I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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