I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
