This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
