i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He better not be in your backpack
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
