i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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