yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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