life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
