I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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