was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
