Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize