Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
