like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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