You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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