somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I believe in your delicious
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
