somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
