is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
