So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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