Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
