I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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