I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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