things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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