Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
