your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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