I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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