I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
