look no pants
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
