boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
