I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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