I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize