apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
