I'm really into asian looking animals
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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