Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
