just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize