I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
