if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize