just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
