how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
