Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Randomize
