i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
