I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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