and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
