So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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