before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
