I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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