ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
