Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
