Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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