I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
