some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i drank out of a bidet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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