Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
