I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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