I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
