PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
