I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
