How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
