butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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