Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
