the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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