Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
