She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
