Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
