I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
